End of Camp No. 1

So Grades have come out and the first term of my Freshman year of college has come to an end. It honestly wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Honestly if you keep top of everything and not party like every one else is, you do just fine. I actually ended up with a 3.5 GPA for this first term, two A-'s and two B+'s. Honestly I don't know why a college has +'s and -'s. But whatever makes them feel good. It's surprising that I managed to pull that out with all of the own stuff going on in my life at the time. First off I spent most of my first semester sick with still yet to be determined illness and was miserable for a good majority of it. Then on top of that I had two persons of , well lets just say that we didn't mesh. Anyways besides the headaches and the nausea I still managed to get all of my work done. Amazing. I think these are the best grades I have ever gotten. Huh, who knew it would take me 12 years to figure school out? Well then!

It hasn't been all gloom and doom down in Southern Oregon. There have been some fantastically good times too. There was Ice skating for my friend Laruen and my roommate Erika's birthdays. Then I had just a Jocelyn day that soon became a girls day that eventually ended in everyone heading off to go watch Across the Universe in a movie theater full of stoned hippies. Imagine we're in Ashland. Who knew that there were other things you can do at college than party? Anyways.

Next semester should be interesting. Some of my more 'favorite' people may not be comming back next term. One of them moved out before this past term was even over. On top of that we have a new RA, new floor mates, and new classes (for the most part). So a whole new set of things are going to make it fun. I have only two days of classes each week. Tuesday and Thursdays from 8 to 3:30, but no breaks for moi, four whole classes back to back. The rest of the week I might have a job that is also from 8 to 3:30. So, I'll still have time for school don't worry, but still not go totally insane from boredom.

Well, that's all really. Keep me in your prayers and thoughts.

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Auggghhh!

I have decided that boys are silly and should be avoided at all costs. They aren't good for one's constitution, peace of mind, and overall health.
In short, Auuuggghhh!!
Boys, I ask you a question. Why is it that every time I want a boyfriend and actively go looking for one y'all won't give me the time of day, but the second I stop or give up suddenly there is a ton of you breaking down my door? Or even worse, I re-connect with you years after I had to say goodbye and find out that you have always had a crush on me but for one reason or another never told me? At the moment I am up to about 5 of you and its starting to get disgusting.
Another thing about boys is that dating in college is harder than I would ever have thought. Suddenly I'm confronted by questions that I have never really had to answer before. What do I want in a man? Of course there are always the fairy tale answers. He must be handsome, charming, witty, and brave. The epitome of the brave knight on a gallant white horse. Too bad that more often his white horse is a broken down Chevy bronco. But perfection is over rated. The question still lies. What do I want? Do I want a man who makes me laugh? Or are his brains going to outweigh his brawn? On top of that everything has a more... permanent sense to everything. Things I do now could end in marriage and soon. So what I am afraid of is that maybe I will make a mistake. So what do I do? What any sensible woman does, I make a list. But what does one put on such a list? The first things I thought of are things that I will not bend on. My future husband, whoever he might be, must have a strong sense of faith. I have decided that I will not date or marry a man that does not have a solid faith in Jesus. There are so many temptations, headaches, heart aches and pain that comes along when you date someone who isn't a believer. I have found that it is hard to relate to people that aren't Christians because their whole base on life is so different than my own. Things that I have always considered musts in my daily life are afterthought to most people. Without knowing it I have gained the reputation of "the good girl". And while I'm flattered it still doesn't solve the problem. Having to start off a relationship saying, "Hi my name is Jocelyn, I'm a Christian and please no republican jokes. I am a virgin, so no you aren't getting any no matter how hard you try. And I don't drink, do drugs or break "most" rules. So you still want to give it a try?" That just doesn't feel right. I don't think that I am supposed to have to start it off that way. It's unfortunate that I have to even think about that at all but stating it at the beginning is better than later because it is a problem. But not having to say it at all it the best. I don't know maybe it's just me. I've found that I really don't relate to a lot of the people I meet in college. I don't constantly think of sex or the next party where I can get smashed or stoned. I enjoy getting good grades and do homework when I need to. Profanities and crude humor aren't funny and I don't want to explain why for the millionth time. It's starting to get sad really. But that's another topic.
Back to my future man! After faith he must be funny. I don't think that I could be with a man that didn't make me laugh and me him. Humor is such a huge part of me that I need it in order to live I guess. He also needs to challenge me. I need someone who stimulates my intellect and gives me a fight, be it a debate or a full out brawl. I am a creature that thrives on a healthy sense of competition and if He doesn't fit the bill then I probably will leave. I like someone who will not be afraid to throw down and start wrestling or something like that, giving me that chance to prove that I'm not weak or fragile, but a strong woman. But he can't always let me win. Everybody needs a win every once in a while, but if I constantly win then you lose. But meeting me half way is a must. I will meet him as much as I can, but he needs to meet me back. He also needs to know when to take charge. I won't be the pants in the relationship. I spend most of my time taking care of others and for once I want someone to take care of me. After that I also need someone that understands me. Understands that even though I tend to shove the fact that I am a tomboy to the fore front that I am actually quite the girly-girl. I love feeling beautiful, be it in a dress or while I'm dancing or something else. I need a guy who will make me feel like that all the time. Even when I'm acting like the tomboy. He also needs to understand that I have a passion for almost everything. I love anything classical. Be it music, literature, plays and even dances. Especially dancing. Many a potential boyfriend was killed after a failed dance. My family has a joke that goes like this “If he can't dance then he really has no chance.” I can't blame them. I have stopped seeing 6 different guys after they took me to a dance and I couldn't enjoy it. I have the longing that I can just waltz with my beau and have the best time of my life. That comes to what I will count as my last point. He must understand and encourage the fact that I am a helpless romantic. While I'm not expecting Him to carry me off to his castle after love at first sight, I love the little things that make girls go "awe".
I guess the only reason that I’m doing this is because I am unsure about a relationship I have right now. He likes me and is more than meeting me half way, but I just can’t do it. Too many red flags go off in my head. First and foremost is his lack of faith. I just can’t get over it. Everything I have been taught tells me that this relationship shouldn’t happen, but I still think that he deserves a chance. But now it’s at the point that even when I just think about him I start to feel uncomfortable and that isn’t right. The whole entire time we have been “Dating” I’ve been looking for a way out. I shouldn’t feel trapped, but I am. I feel slightly backed into a corner even though no one has forced me there. I just don’t want to, plain and simple. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, sweet, shy, and cute. He’s like a giant teddy bear. But he’s just all wrong for me. He isn’t really anything up there on my list. Sure he fits a few, but not the crucial ones. I just don’t want to hurt him. He’s been hurt so much recently and… Oh Lord that’s the only reason I’m staying with him. I feel bad for him. That isn’t fair to him. I really should call it off. But I don’t know when. He just lost a dear friend to something really horrible and calling it off now may just be another slap in the face. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should do it fast and quick like a band-aid and hope that it doesn’t leave a bigger wound than the one it was covering. Maybe I should just let it be and let nature take its course.
Maybe I should just pray about it.
Yeah. That sounds good.