Auggghhh!

I have decided that boys are silly and should be avoided at all costs. They aren't good for one's constitution, peace of mind, and overall health.
In short, Auuuggghhh!!
Boys, I ask you a question. Why is it that every time I want a boyfriend and actively go looking for one y'all won't give me the time of day, but the second I stop or give up suddenly there is a ton of you breaking down my door? Or even worse, I re-connect with you years after I had to say goodbye and find out that you have always had a crush on me but for one reason or another never told me? At the moment I am up to about 5 of you and its starting to get disgusting.
Another thing about boys is that dating in college is harder than I would ever have thought. Suddenly I'm confronted by questions that I have never really had to answer before. What do I want in a man? Of course there are always the fairy tale answers. He must be handsome, charming, witty, and brave. The epitome of the brave knight on a gallant white horse. Too bad that more often his white horse is a broken down Chevy bronco. But perfection is over rated. The question still lies. What do I want? Do I want a man who makes me laugh? Or are his brains going to outweigh his brawn? On top of that everything has a more... permanent sense to everything. Things I do now could end in marriage and soon. So what I am afraid of is that maybe I will make a mistake. So what do I do? What any sensible woman does, I make a list. But what does one put on such a list? The first things I thought of are things that I will not bend on. My future husband, whoever he might be, must have a strong sense of faith. I have decided that I will not date or marry a man that does not have a solid faith in Jesus. There are so many temptations, headaches, heart aches and pain that comes along when you date someone who isn't a believer. I have found that it is hard to relate to people that aren't Christians because their whole base on life is so different than my own. Things that I have always considered musts in my daily life are afterthought to most people. Without knowing it I have gained the reputation of "the good girl". And while I'm flattered it still doesn't solve the problem. Having to start off a relationship saying, "Hi my name is Jocelyn, I'm a Christian and please no republican jokes. I am a virgin, so no you aren't getting any no matter how hard you try. And I don't drink, do drugs or break "most" rules. So you still want to give it a try?" That just doesn't feel right. I don't think that I am supposed to have to start it off that way. It's unfortunate that I have to even think about that at all but stating it at the beginning is better than later because it is a problem. But not having to say it at all it the best. I don't know maybe it's just me. I've found that I really don't relate to a lot of the people I meet in college. I don't constantly think of sex or the next party where I can get smashed or stoned. I enjoy getting good grades and do homework when I need to. Profanities and crude humor aren't funny and I don't want to explain why for the millionth time. It's starting to get sad really. But that's another topic.
Back to my future man! After faith he must be funny. I don't think that I could be with a man that didn't make me laugh and me him. Humor is such a huge part of me that I need it in order to live I guess. He also needs to challenge me. I need someone who stimulates my intellect and gives me a fight, be it a debate or a full out brawl. I am a creature that thrives on a healthy sense of competition and if He doesn't fit the bill then I probably will leave. I like someone who will not be afraid to throw down and start wrestling or something like that, giving me that chance to prove that I'm not weak or fragile, but a strong woman. But he can't always let me win. Everybody needs a win every once in a while, but if I constantly win then you lose. But meeting me half way is a must. I will meet him as much as I can, but he needs to meet me back. He also needs to know when to take charge. I won't be the pants in the relationship. I spend most of my time taking care of others and for once I want someone to take care of me. After that I also need someone that understands me. Understands that even though I tend to shove the fact that I am a tomboy to the fore front that I am actually quite the girly-girl. I love feeling beautiful, be it in a dress or while I'm dancing or something else. I need a guy who will make me feel like that all the time. Even when I'm acting like the tomboy. He also needs to understand that I have a passion for almost everything. I love anything classical. Be it music, literature, plays and even dances. Especially dancing. Many a potential boyfriend was killed after a failed dance. My family has a joke that goes like this “If he can't dance then he really has no chance.” I can't blame them. I have stopped seeing 6 different guys after they took me to a dance and I couldn't enjoy it. I have the longing that I can just waltz with my beau and have the best time of my life. That comes to what I will count as my last point. He must understand and encourage the fact that I am a helpless romantic. While I'm not expecting Him to carry me off to his castle after love at first sight, I love the little things that make girls go "awe".
I guess the only reason that I’m doing this is because I am unsure about a relationship I have right now. He likes me and is more than meeting me half way, but I just can’t do it. Too many red flags go off in my head. First and foremost is his lack of faith. I just can’t get over it. Everything I have been taught tells me that this relationship shouldn’t happen, but I still think that he deserves a chance. But now it’s at the point that even when I just think about him I start to feel uncomfortable and that isn’t right. The whole entire time we have been “Dating” I’ve been looking for a way out. I shouldn’t feel trapped, but I am. I feel slightly backed into a corner even though no one has forced me there. I just don’t want to, plain and simple. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, sweet, shy, and cute. He’s like a giant teddy bear. But he’s just all wrong for me. He isn’t really anything up there on my list. Sure he fits a few, but not the crucial ones. I just don’t want to hurt him. He’s been hurt so much recently and… Oh Lord that’s the only reason I’m staying with him. I feel bad for him. That isn’t fair to him. I really should call it off. But I don’t know when. He just lost a dear friend to something really horrible and calling it off now may just be another slap in the face. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should do it fast and quick like a band-aid and hope that it doesn’t leave a bigger wound than the one it was covering. Maybe I should just let it be and let nature take its course.
Maybe I should just pray about it.
Yeah. That sounds good.