Being Sick Sucks.... Hard Core.

Sound Track of My Life
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your music library.

2. Put it on shuffle.

3. Press play.

4. For every question, type the song that's playing.

5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.

6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits: Storybook Love by Willi De Ville from Princess Bride Soundtrack

Waking Up: So Much For My Sad Song by Chris Rice

First Day of School: Simple Things by Amy Grant

Falling in Love: Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds by Bono & The Edge from Across The Universe

Fight Song: Feels Like Tonight by Daughtry

Breaking Up: Amaranth by NightWish

Life: There's Nothing Like A Show On Broadway by The Producers Original Movie Soundtrack

Mental Breakdown: Is She The Reason by Destiny's Child

Driving: When You Got It, Flaunt It by The Producers Original Movie Soundtrack

Flashback: Anything by Third Day

Getting Back Together: Complainte De La Butte by Rufus Wainwright from Moulin Rouge Soundtrack

Wedding: No Ordinary Love by Toby Mac Feat. Nirva Dorsaint-Ready

Birth of Child: Happy Little Working Song by Amy Adams from Enchanted Movie Soundtrack (Oh Lordy! Yes Tammy I can hear you laughing from here. You too Mom... Wow that really is irony!)

Final Battle: Breakfast by Newsboys

Death Scene: Let Me Fall by Josh Groban

Funeral Song: Let Me Go Lover by Dean Martin

End Credits: The Hop-Clop Goes On by The Producers Original Movie Soundtrack

Wow really couldn't ask for a better ending really...

So the reason for this lovely interlude was because of this horrendous cold that I have. It has been so bad that I haven't been myself for like a week and a half. Yesterday I was so wiped and sick that I literally slept for 18 hours. Came back from classes around 4 and was out by 5 waking up every 4 hours because my body needed to do something, be it cough, need water, or just plainly breathe. But tonight has no such luck. After talking to my boy I tried sleeping, honestly I did. But not even NyQuil could stop this cough. So since around 5 o clock, after maybe an hour or two of continual sleep, I have given up and now are watching infomercials that sound really good at five in the morning and old cartoons that I haven't seen in years all the while listening to the weird sounds my roommate is emitting. So after extensively googling myself and finding things from when I was 11, cruising Myspace, and filling out my calendars for the rest of Feb. and March (and thoroughly depressing myself in the process) I have settled on doing this little ditty over here. I am surprised on how well it has actually turned out. Some of the songs baffle me, others seem like a perfect fit! So yeah. Off to reign more terrors on my box of tissues and the Internet!!

Snots Ahoy!

Well Huh.

God works in mysterious ways...
So for all that don't know I have been praying alot this last week, for a lot of different things but I think the largest things other than the occasional, "Dear lord please let this class be over with soon!" are the fact that I have been praying for guidence for where I am supposed to go to school next year and for my Dad and his job situation. College is a great place, I love it. I think I have been happier the last few months than I have been in a long time, honestly. Not anyone's fault really its just I was never really made for high school. But at college I have found myself flourishing. So over break my mom reminded me that I had been flourishing so well that I had until roughly Thanksgiving to decide what I was going to do for the next 3 years of my life. After the initial panic of it all had past I began thinking. What do I want to do with the rest of my life? So far in the span of maybe 4 months I have effectively eliminated 4 different possiblilities. Probably more if I really thought about it. I realise that I could never do anything medical period. Don't like it, don't like hearing it, definately don't like seeing it and you're not getting me even close to fixing it. After that I eliminated science. Unfortunately I don't have the attention span nor the paitence for dealing with it, AP Chemistry kinda killed that and whatever it left Chem 2 destroyed. I tried looking into psychology, but that really isn't an instant results career. That takes years that unless I am absolutly 100 percent sure I want to put in that it may make it worth it in the end... maybe. Art was quickly and efficiently killed due to the fact that even as a hobby it create more stress and well, it should just stay a fun hobby that I'm really good at. So to make a long story shorter I think I've settled on the career that I have talked about most of my life, Education. I realised that in every career I thought about I always wanted to teach it at one point, so I thought 'Hey? Why not be a teacher then?" The only problem with that is that SOU's education program is just barely getting on its feet. It wasn't started until just recently and not as fully develpoed as some others that I have seen. So that brought up the question, Do I want to go to SOU next year? Unlike High school I actually have a choice on where I want to go and can change it at anytime that I wish. So I have been praying about it, 'Lord, please help me. Do you want me to go to SOU, OSU o George Fox?' Well, apparently I don't take small signals well so God sent a pretty big one. I was at a basketball game this last Saturday night supporting our Girls and making my roommate see some kind of light, even if it was artifical. It was housing night and I am on the housing board so I was there in support of the other members running the program. Well at half time they had a drawing for two things (along with various gift cards) an iPod Touch and Free housing for next year. Well not knowing if I wanted to go here, and figuring that if I do I would be here as an RA and would get it free anyways, so of course I didn't want that prize. I even went so far to tell Bill (head of housing) and Rich (my advisor) that the housing was the one prize that I didn't want. So as Bill reached for the names for iPod touch I held my breath, I really wanted that iPod. But alas it went to the guy sitting just behind me. So I turn to talk to Erika (my roommate) as everything else was being drawn. The finally get to the housing and announce that they were drawing 2 names that would have to do a "Best of of 10" free throw competition. I thought, 'Hey thats going to be fun to watch', having had to do one last year and losing. So I look and see that Bill has a huge smile on his face and that Rich looked like a kid on Christmas as they begin to read the names. I panicked at the beginning of the first name because it was a Josh. I turned to Erika and muttered, "Oh Thank God. For a second I thought that was me." No sooner had the words come out of my mouth then my name came out of Bill's. "CRAP!!"
Yeah, thats right, my name. Which meant that I had to go down and shoot 10 free throws in order to win a prize that I didn't want. But I was up against a guy so it shouldn't be a problem if I didn't try super hard because he was going to smoke me. So of course he pulled the ladies first card and off I went. With cheers of "You Go Girl!" I conviently figure how to just bounce the ball of the ring after 3 baskets (2 of which were clean nets by the way) 3 would make both him and I look good right? Wrong. I think that they picked the on guy in the whole gymnasium that was worse at Basket ball that I was. He only got 2 baskets! That's right. I won. Roughly $6,000 worth of housing for the next year that gaurntees that I can live where ever I want on campus. For most of the night I was really upset that I had won. At first I felt like I had stolen the prize from somone who might have really needed it. Then I found out that they actually did offer the other guy free housing too, but I was too busy looking at Erika and Rich laughing so hard that they both looked like they were going to cry. I left the game early and Erika and I went to dinner, the whole time I kept thinking 'Why? Why did I win?' I finally realized that this was my fleece. It was soaking wet and because I ignored it on the ground God had picked it up and thrown it in my face. You see I was thinking of applying for an RA job which everyone was basically telling me I was going to get. But for some reason I didn't believe them which was me ignoring the fleece on the ground. God had tried to show me one sign and I ignored him, even actively fought him. But one can't really ignore a sign that big can they?
So the moral of the story is that I have to really open my eyes when viewing the world around me, especially when I ask for signs.

Wow

They may come close...

But the way they make me feel right now makes them pale in comparison.

You're the first to give me roses and I can't stop smiling.

I wish I could show you how much I like them.

Thank you so much.

End of Camp No. 1

So Grades have come out and the first term of my Freshman year of college has come to an end. It honestly wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Honestly if you keep top of everything and not party like every one else is, you do just fine. I actually ended up with a 3.5 GPA for this first term, two A-'s and two B+'s. Honestly I don't know why a college has +'s and -'s. But whatever makes them feel good. It's surprising that I managed to pull that out with all of the own stuff going on in my life at the time. First off I spent most of my first semester sick with still yet to be determined illness and was miserable for a good majority of it. Then on top of that I had two persons of , well lets just say that we didn't mesh. Anyways besides the headaches and the nausea I still managed to get all of my work done. Amazing. I think these are the best grades I have ever gotten. Huh, who knew it would take me 12 years to figure school out? Well then!

It hasn't been all gloom and doom down in Southern Oregon. There have been some fantastically good times too. There was Ice skating for my friend Laruen and my roommate Erika's birthdays. Then I had just a Jocelyn day that soon became a girls day that eventually ended in everyone heading off to go watch Across the Universe in a movie theater full of stoned hippies. Imagine we're in Ashland. Who knew that there were other things you can do at college than party? Anyways.

Next semester should be interesting. Some of my more 'favorite' people may not be comming back next term. One of them moved out before this past term was even over. On top of that we have a new RA, new floor mates, and new classes (for the most part). So a whole new set of things are going to make it fun. I have only two days of classes each week. Tuesday and Thursdays from 8 to 3:30, but no breaks for moi, four whole classes back to back. The rest of the week I might have a job that is also from 8 to 3:30. So, I'll still have time for school don't worry, but still not go totally insane from boredom.

Well, that's all really. Keep me in your prayers and thoughts.

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Auggghhh!

I have decided that boys are silly and should be avoided at all costs. They aren't good for one's constitution, peace of mind, and overall health.
In short, Auuuggghhh!!
Boys, I ask you a question. Why is it that every time I want a boyfriend and actively go looking for one y'all won't give me the time of day, but the second I stop or give up suddenly there is a ton of you breaking down my door? Or even worse, I re-connect with you years after I had to say goodbye and find out that you have always had a crush on me but for one reason or another never told me? At the moment I am up to about 5 of you and its starting to get disgusting.
Another thing about boys is that dating in college is harder than I would ever have thought. Suddenly I'm confronted by questions that I have never really had to answer before. What do I want in a man? Of course there are always the fairy tale answers. He must be handsome, charming, witty, and brave. The epitome of the brave knight on a gallant white horse. Too bad that more often his white horse is a broken down Chevy bronco. But perfection is over rated. The question still lies. What do I want? Do I want a man who makes me laugh? Or are his brains going to outweigh his brawn? On top of that everything has a more... permanent sense to everything. Things I do now could end in marriage and soon. So what I am afraid of is that maybe I will make a mistake. So what do I do? What any sensible woman does, I make a list. But what does one put on such a list? The first things I thought of are things that I will not bend on. My future husband, whoever he might be, must have a strong sense of faith. I have decided that I will not date or marry a man that does not have a solid faith in Jesus. There are so many temptations, headaches, heart aches and pain that comes along when you date someone who isn't a believer. I have found that it is hard to relate to people that aren't Christians because their whole base on life is so different than my own. Things that I have always considered musts in my daily life are afterthought to most people. Without knowing it I have gained the reputation of "the good girl". And while I'm flattered it still doesn't solve the problem. Having to start off a relationship saying, "Hi my name is Jocelyn, I'm a Christian and please no republican jokes. I am a virgin, so no you aren't getting any no matter how hard you try. And I don't drink, do drugs or break "most" rules. So you still want to give it a try?" That just doesn't feel right. I don't think that I am supposed to have to start it off that way. It's unfortunate that I have to even think about that at all but stating it at the beginning is better than later because it is a problem. But not having to say it at all it the best. I don't know maybe it's just me. I've found that I really don't relate to a lot of the people I meet in college. I don't constantly think of sex or the next party where I can get smashed or stoned. I enjoy getting good grades and do homework when I need to. Profanities and crude humor aren't funny and I don't want to explain why for the millionth time. It's starting to get sad really. But that's another topic.
Back to my future man! After faith he must be funny. I don't think that I could be with a man that didn't make me laugh and me him. Humor is such a huge part of me that I need it in order to live I guess. He also needs to challenge me. I need someone who stimulates my intellect and gives me a fight, be it a debate or a full out brawl. I am a creature that thrives on a healthy sense of competition and if He doesn't fit the bill then I probably will leave. I like someone who will not be afraid to throw down and start wrestling or something like that, giving me that chance to prove that I'm not weak or fragile, but a strong woman. But he can't always let me win. Everybody needs a win every once in a while, but if I constantly win then you lose. But meeting me half way is a must. I will meet him as much as I can, but he needs to meet me back. He also needs to know when to take charge. I won't be the pants in the relationship. I spend most of my time taking care of others and for once I want someone to take care of me. After that I also need someone that understands me. Understands that even though I tend to shove the fact that I am a tomboy to the fore front that I am actually quite the girly-girl. I love feeling beautiful, be it in a dress or while I'm dancing or something else. I need a guy who will make me feel like that all the time. Even when I'm acting like the tomboy. He also needs to understand that I have a passion for almost everything. I love anything classical. Be it music, literature, plays and even dances. Especially dancing. Many a potential boyfriend was killed after a failed dance. My family has a joke that goes like this “If he can't dance then he really has no chance.” I can't blame them. I have stopped seeing 6 different guys after they took me to a dance and I couldn't enjoy it. I have the longing that I can just waltz with my beau and have the best time of my life. That comes to what I will count as my last point. He must understand and encourage the fact that I am a helpless romantic. While I'm not expecting Him to carry me off to his castle after love at first sight, I love the little things that make girls go "awe".
I guess the only reason that I’m doing this is because I am unsure about a relationship I have right now. He likes me and is more than meeting me half way, but I just can’t do it. Too many red flags go off in my head. First and foremost is his lack of faith. I just can’t get over it. Everything I have been taught tells me that this relationship shouldn’t happen, but I still think that he deserves a chance. But now it’s at the point that even when I just think about him I start to feel uncomfortable and that isn’t right. The whole entire time we have been “Dating” I’ve been looking for a way out. I shouldn’t feel trapped, but I am. I feel slightly backed into a corner even though no one has forced me there. I just don’t want to, plain and simple. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, sweet, shy, and cute. He’s like a giant teddy bear. But he’s just all wrong for me. He isn’t really anything up there on my list. Sure he fits a few, but not the crucial ones. I just don’t want to hurt him. He’s been hurt so much recently and… Oh Lord that’s the only reason I’m staying with him. I feel bad for him. That isn’t fair to him. I really should call it off. But I don’t know when. He just lost a dear friend to something really horrible and calling it off now may just be another slap in the face. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should do it fast and quick like a band-aid and hope that it doesn’t leave a bigger wound than the one it was covering. Maybe I should just let it be and let nature take its course.
Maybe I should just pray about it.
Yeah. That sounds good.

K Mom, Here it is.

Because I was told to do a happy one to assure everyone that I wasn't becoming a emo-hippie and was plotting to do evil evil things to everyone around me. Yeah.

So here it is, Jocelyn's Words of Wisdom.

Slurpees are great motivational tools to finish something you don't want to do.
One should never go to 711 at midnight unless in a group of 3 or more, only freaks and weirdos are up at that ungodly hour, (HELLO!).
Your life is not complete until you have seen Sir Ian Macellan river dancing on the late show.
Your life is over when you finally hear that he has come out of the closet, (tear!).
Squirrels apparently make fantastic pancakes.
You know that they English officially hate you when they make you into their food.
Adrenaline is the worst killer of sleep.
Auditions do wonders for one's insomnia... not.
Abstract art becomes even funkier the later the clock gets...
Two-bite scones are only two bites for the first five scones, after that you stop counting.
Ice-gripping eyes are a new phrase that describe my person.
Is the plural for mongoose; mongeese, mongooses, or mongi?
The grey squirrel is the modonna of squirrels (And I am li-ving in a mat-er-ial world and I-'m just a ma-terial.. squirrel!)
And you know it's too late when you are giggleing at a rendition of Ave Maria by Michael Bolton because he has a stain glass windows flying across the screen, for no real reason other than they look churchey (which is my new word as of now, Copyrights, Dibbs, Snakes, Nose Goes! Whatever!) And he's singing but it's from another music video because his mouth totally doesn't sync. Darn You YOUTUBE and you not correctness!!

And now for your moment of zen: "When a M-a-an loves a wo-man, and can't keep his mind on nothing else..."

GOODNIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!

Vents are good.

How can everything I say suddenly make me the bad guy?
I laugh and make a joke. You call me a horrible person. All I said was that it's funny when you get hurt during pillow fights, because it's pillows! They're like battle wounds! Something that you need to be proud of. And suddenly now all I want to do is try to kill people with my pillow, draw blood and be a massively barbaric person... You're a headache.
I try to bond with you through laughing, you hate comedy.
I try to bond with you over food, you hate everything I mention.
I try to help you with your audition, you fight me so much that I feel like I'm pulling teeth.
I can't be constantly soothing your ego and holding your hand every step of the way. Usually when I give someone a compliment I mean it. Don't shoot it down. Doing anything with you is like going to a bad dentist appointment. You wanted to try out, so I helped you so much that I almost didn't have time for my own pieces. I even went so far to get outside help that I had hardly met to come help us. But god forbid you get over your insecurities about cute boys and totally waste the time. Not only did it make you look like the idiot you were afraid to look like but you made me look like one too. I felt uncomfortable for you and then for myself. Here I was meeting someone for the first time really and not only do you make me feel bad, you try and make me look like a jerk because I'm better than you. WELL I DON'T CARE ANY MORE!! I don't care that I can sing better than you! I don't care that I can dance better than you! I don't care if I can act better than you! If you think all of these things on top of your stupid stage freight than maybe you shouldn't be a freaking' theater major!!! There's a thought for ya. OH LORD, You're such a negative person! I can't stand being around you most of the time. I have tried to make that clear, but you don't seem to get the message. We have nothing in common. I'm fed up of you hating the world and being the most negative person I know, but the second I utter anything even close to negative sentence I am horrible and should feel guilty for something that isn't even wrong. You can't fix the world and maybe some of the things in the world can't be fixed because they don't need to be. Not eating meat won't save the animals, because what you won't eat someone else will. Marching and laying down in streets won't bring the troops home any faster. It didn't work in Vietnam, it won't work now. We even just went to a movie that said that and you still don't get it! I think I know what the problem is though. You need to stop wearing your heart on you bloody sleeve. Everything sets you off. But you are so clueless to how people function. I don't blame you for that. I blame you growing up in a ridiculously small town. But I do blame you for thinking that every comment is about you. Not everyone is calling you fat. Not everyone is calling you dumb. People actually say nice things and not everyone is a complete jerk. But you also don't know when to let things go. I have finally gotten over an issue and you drudge it back up. And you keep bringing it back up! Over and Over and Over!! Here we are trying to bury the issue and you keep trying to restart the whole thing. You cry and whine about hating drama, but you're the one trying to keep it alive. But that's not just it!! I say I'm confident about something and you shoot me down. You somehow make me feel guilty about things that I'm good at and that is wrong. That is so wrong. I can't take it anymore. I'm done. I need a break. From You. From college. From drama. From whiny people that are acting worse than some of my Venture kids back home. And they're half your age!! You're College Students For Heavens Sakes! Not children. But I guess the second you're ripped away from your spoiling parents you go looking for your next mom to coddle you. Well it's not me so don't try and make it me. I'm not your mom. I won't hold your hand. This time tomorrow I could honestly care less about your hand because I'm looking out for mine. No one is worried about my hand. And if I don't worry about my own hand, then no one down here will. I've already learned that. No one down here really cares if you actually succeed or not. Oh sure, friends will miss you, teachers will notice you're gone. But after a few weeks they forget and move on to who is actually still here. So, stop. My break starts now. I'm going to shut my door, or not be in my room. I have other Friends. Unsurprisingly it's all of the other older Ra's. But the key word is OLDER. They don't whine, they don't care, they don't gossip, they don't try to make you look like an idiot at all hours of the day. GAH! I wish I had a car. Then I would pile a bag full of clothes and just go home to my family where everything makes sense. I'm loved there and I understand the people I'm with. Here I'm often so stressed beyond belief. And I have finally figured out why. It's not school, it's not boys, it's not my social life. My room mate said that the definition of stress is the 'act of wanting to kill someone or something and restraining from doing so, against better judgement'. And now I know where all of my stress is coming from. It's coming from you and him. Well leave me alone. I left a stressful environment hoping college would be a welcome change and you're not helping. So don't expect me to drag you along anymore. It's not my job to make college work for you. So, you do your thing, or lack there of, and I'll do mine. And then there will be less stress for all.