3 am Ramblings

I hate not being able to sleep.
I hate having regrets and doubts plauge me in the middle of the night.
I hate always feeling lonely right before I fall asleep.
I hate feeling like I'm losing my family by going off to college.
I hate that I don't feel good about myself because I don't have anyone.
I hate feeling like I should tell the guy that I'm crushing on that I like them and then feel rejected without even telling them yet, then worry about being rejected becuase I already feel like it.
I hate hearing that people think I'm calm, cool, and collected, when inside I'm a confused mess and don't understand why they think that.
I hate that I don't feel pretty because no one likes me.
I hate knowing that it's not true and that's not me thinking.
I hate that I still worry about opinions because of a group of girls who teased me in middle school and freshman year.
I hate that I often can't get the courage to hang out with people more.
I hate that I think I don't have any close friends when I have lots of people who love me.
I hate that I don't trust guys because too many have hurt me.
I hate that I can't let go of my hurts and have clung to them in the back of my mind.
I hate that I can't seem to turn this over to God and let him help me.
BUT:
I love my eyes.
I love my personality.
I love my creativity.
I love my best friend/sister.
I love my family so much it hurts.
I love my friends.
I love my dog's undying devotion that gives me hope.
I love the relationship I have with my parents.
I love that I can tell my Mom anything.
I love that I can tell a joke to my Dad and he won't get it.
I love to dance becuase it makes me feel beautiful.
I love putting the beauty of things around me into photographs.
I love that I have both sets of grandparents to spoil me.
I love that I was able to meet and learn from the amazing women my great-grandmothers were while I could.
I love that I am a strong woman of faith, even if I don't feel like it at times.
I love that I am really intellegent despite what my grades say.
I love that I enjoy reading for fun, even if they are fairytales.
I love that I have enough hope to believe that I could live a fairytale if I wanted to.
I love trying to find the silver-lining in everything.
I love to help others as much as I can.
I love making others feel good, it makes me feel good with them.
I love that I feel like I can express my doubts and know that my friends will help me through it.
I love that I believe in God's promise and know that I am always loved and cared for no matter what